Why are Israeli men so creepy? No matter what they say, they either sound
1. Super condescending
2. Sleazy
3. Super condescending AND sleazy
I decided to be a good Jew and go to temple. I arrive at Marble Arch Synagogue and I can't find an entrance. Finally, someone comes out. I ask him how I get it.
"You chave to go through me first," sayeth a Hebrew man in that oh so condescending tone.
"Um, okay" I laugh.
"Why are you chere?"
"To go to services."
"Where are you from?"
"Boston"
"What synagog do you go to in Boston?"
I freeze. Why am I being quizzed? Oh yeah, he thinks I'm a terrorist or just a woman.
" I don't really go to one."
"Why?"
" I don't know."
"Whose the Rabbi?"
"What's a rabbi?"
he asks for my id. I warn him that my last name is Italian. Perhaps I should also warn him of my neo-nazi tendencies.
"Chow did you find out about us?"
" I'm supposed to be meeting my friend here."
"Where is she?"
" I don't know. Why don't you go ask your friends in the Mosad? "
Is he serious? He is fucking serious. And this entire time he has this smug ass smile on his face that keeps stepping all over the suffrage movement.
"If you don't go to synagogue in Boston and your friend isn't here... then why are you chere?"
Why am I here? I don't know. That's a pretty existential thought for just wanting to attend sabbath services. I guess I'm here because hashem, in all his grace, has decided that I needed to really question my beliefs and my faith through being questioned by a sleezey Israeli with a slick phone and even slicker hair.
Actually, no. I think you're just an asshole.
Finally he lets me in as if he'd doing this huge favor and I should give him a little lechiam in return.
We had a wonderful dinner with the rabbi that night and had nice conversations with foreigners. The Israelis at the table continued to be creepy and have eyes made for undressing. But all in all it was a good night.
And then I got drunk and stumbled home on the night bus.
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1 comment:
Hi Sweetie!
Got up early this Saturday morning and I just chad to chave a glimpse at your blog! Pretty impressive that you've done so much writing so far.
Don't worry about over-sampling the infamous British cuisine, you look beautiful! You just feel like you're overdoing it- not bad to have an internal mechanism to regulate yourself, of course, just don't let it make you feel guilty everytime you pop in a tasty morsel of kidney pie.
Anyway, I probably won't hear from you for a few days. Have a great time with your mama and be good! We're all fine and want to see more pictures.
Love, Dad
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