bonus

I find myself on the computer a lot. Checking the same websites.

Facebook
Myspace
Livejournal
Gmail

Waiting to see if anyone is commenting on my posts. If I have any personal e-mails that don't involve making my penis larger or how I missed this deadline and that. The loneliness of traveling is creeping up. Even though I am in Newcastle with a very nice host, I'm lonely and sort of waiting for my trip to be over. When I can come home. Seeing people I love. And don't.

I am taking things for granted, I know. OH MY, she says, WHAT A BORE! I DARE SAY THAT ALL THIS TRAVELING THE UK IS GETTING ON MY NERVES. I DON'T WANT TO SEE THE WORLD, EXPERIENCE NEW THINGS, MEET EXCITING PEOPLE. I WANT TO GET A JOB AND FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF. I WANT BE SAD.

Shit. I WANT to be sad. I am making myself sad. I am literally doing things in order to feel that horrible, gut wrenching ball in my stomach build up until I feel like bursting. I want to be on the edge on tears when no one is around. I WANT WAITERS IN RESTAURANTS TO TELL ME I HAVE SAD EYES.

So. I guess I'll have to stop being sad. First task in my no more sadness goal is to eat right. The food I am eating isn't making me happy. I know my choices and I will choose them wisely. I already did pretty well today. Happy times?

Happy times.